his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
