So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
pop tarts are not kleenex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
