i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
