It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
