Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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