I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
