Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
