I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
