All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I just put wine in my tea
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.