I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job