The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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