Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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