He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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