i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
