Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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