They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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