how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just high enough for therapy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
