went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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