had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
