You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
