why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
