The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
