In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm getting married
To pizza
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
