remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My hand turned me down
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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