Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
