So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
