You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I believe in your delicious
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
