Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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