Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
