she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
