yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
