there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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