so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
