pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
