i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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