Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
