You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
