Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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