my vag is so smooth its legendary
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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