drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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