Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
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Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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