A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
