I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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