he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
