Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
