so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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