mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
