I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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