I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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