Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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