I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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