I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
