I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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