She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
