is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
