Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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