She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
