One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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