My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
