I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
