There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
In America we eat man semen.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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