watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
